I am not awesome

It’s 11 pm and I’m sitting here, watching House of Cards, staring at 2 suitcases and hoping I haven’t forgotten anything important. I’m leaving the country tomorrow to serve orphans and vulnerable kids in the Amazon Jungle.

Yes, I know.

Who else would be “X” enough to squeeze in a mission trip during their spring break?

If you filled that space in with “Crazy”, let’s just say I understand where you’re coming from and ask myself this nearly every day. It doesn’t seem like an opportune time, but to be honest, there never seems to be a good time for serving others. I can and have made hundreds of excuses spouting the details of my horrifyingly full schedule. The only way I can do this is to remind myself that I exist on earth to glorify Christ and share the love of God with others. I don’t exist to fulfill my personal career ambitions and laze around marathon-ing House of Cards. (Although, this is what I do 90% of the time.)

If you filled that space in with “Awesome”, let me assure you that I am not cooler than you. It may sound grand and dramatic to say I’m serving orphan kids on my spring break. Oh look at me, I’m so selfless and wonderful. I’m not. If I had the opportunity to take a ski trip to Colorado I would take it. If I had the opportunity to gallivant around Europe for 3 weeks just for fun I would do it. It just so happened that this mission trip lined up perfectly with my Spring Break. It just so happened that my husband was busy this week doing med school stuff (that’s a story in itself), so I could not take a vacation with him. It just so happened that the Lord pressed on my heart that I needed to go to Colombia again, and since I didn’t have anything better planned it was easy to say yes.

That doesn’t make me sound very awesome, does it? It’s because I’m not awesome. God is Awesome. Jesus is Awesome in every sense of the word, and though I fail to live up to His perfection every day, He still has patience with me and works in me and through me to share His love with others.

I’m going to Colombia to serve orphan kids, but I am pretty sure they will be teaching me more than I could ever teach them. Their smiles and contentment despite their circumstances make me feel ashamed when I complain about my laptop being too slow to connect to the internet, like I whined this morning to my husband.

Nicole with Aljaba child
Nicole with Aljaba child

I thought about backing out of the trip several times. There were issues with my cello. There were issues with finances. There were issues with me finding out new circumstances in my husband’s schedule. Every time I doubted, the Lord provided, even when I saw no viable help on the horizon.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7

The truth of it is that my heart yearned to go back and see these precious children and the wonderful people I became friends with. I have been wanting to go back ever since I went in June. Now that I am on the eve of this journey, I find myself excited and my heart prepared. I am feeling more confident in my calling. One of our team members said today, “God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.” A quick google search told me this quote is from Henry T. Blackaby, the author of Experiencing God, a book my spiritual mentor is intent on me reading soon. That quote really spoke to me, as I do not think I am in any way qualified to do missions work. I am not awesome, God is Awesome.

He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30

I am humbled that the Lord has given me a clear path to go on this trip. I am grateful He has made my way relatively easy. I am so thankful that my many friends and family members rose to the occasion again to support my trip financially and through prayer. Thank you so much.

Please keep track of my trip by following along with this blog. You can enter your email at the top to receive an email every time I update my blog. Depending on the kind of internet connection I can get in the Amazon, I try to at least update one photo a day. Follow my Instagram for public updates, or follow along with my Twitter and Facebook.


Leave a Reply to keithakenel Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s